Quicksilver's Seminar For the Hopeless
by Red Witch
Summary: Pietro tries to boost the Brotherhood's sagging morale in an unorthodox manner.


**I don't own any X-Men Evolution characters. Sorry. Now as much as I love Pietro, he really needs to have a reality check here! Time for a little insanity! **

**Quicksilver's Seminar for the Hopeless**

"ATTEN HUT!" Pietro shouted. "Line up for inspection!"

"Somebody shoot me," Lance groaned as they stood in line. 

Pietro stood in front of them dressed up like General Patton, complete with a riding crop. "And I thought Toad liked to play dress up," Fred grumbled. 

"SILENCE! It's time to whip you losers into shape!" Pietro whacked the riding crop in his hands. "It's time you had some real leadership in this outfit! Only a great and glorious leader like myself can help you achieve our goal! Victory over the X-Men!" 

"Oh please," Lance groaned. "It's not like you haven't helped us fight them before you know!" 

"Yeah," Fred said. "What makes you think we can beat them now?"

"Because now the Brotherhood is under competent leadership," Pietro told them. 

"I thought you were in charge now Pietro?" Fred scratched his head. 

"Very funny," Pietro snapped. "Well while the rest of you morons have been sitting around on your butts moping, I have been making plans!" He whipped out several charts and maps. "These are the key to victory! With these the four of us will destroy the X-Men once and for all Muahahahahaha!" He laughed insanely. 

"Pietro we can't even beat the X-Geeks with a tank," Todd said. "No stupid plan you think of is gonna get 'em!"

"Now that is defeatist talk!" Pietro snapped.

"No it's pretty accurate," Fred said. "Look at our track record, one win and how many losses?" 

"I stopped counting months ago," Lance groaned. 

"What kind of attitude is that?" Pietro snapped. "So you're just gonna sit there and take it? Let those geeks walk all over you and spend the rest of your lives eating pizza and watching TV?"

"Works for me," Todd said. 

"Yeah I'm for that," Fred said. 

"Listen Pietro," Lance said. "Every stupid plan we've come up with to beat them has blown up in our face big time. The only chance we had was with Wanda, before she took off to who knows where."

"We don't need my sister!" Pietro snapped.

"Wanna bet?" Todd told him. 

"Look ever since the beginning the X-Men have kept us down and ruined our lives!" Pietro snarled. "It's time we struck back! Are you with me?"

"Do we have a choice?" Lance asked. 

"Are we gonna let those X-Geeks get away with all they've done to us?" Pietro shouted.

"Maybe," Fred sighed.

"Are we gonna teach them that we in the Brotherhood are the superior mutants?" Pietro continued.

"Doubt it," Lance sighed.

"Are we gonna destroy the X-Men once and for all?" Pietro screamed at the top of his lungs.

"Not a chance!" Todd shouted. 

Pietro gave them a look. "I sense a slight lack of faith here," He said. 

"Really?" Todd gave him a look. "You think! Face it Pietro, we're never gonna beat those geeks. We're losers. Pure and simple." 

"Okay I see the real problem now," Pietro said.

"You mean besides the fact we're outnumbered?" Lance asked.

"Well besides that," Pietro said.

"And we don't have any fancy gizmos and planes like they do?" Todd said.

"Well that too," Pietro agreed.

"And the X-Geeks have better powers?" Fred grumbled.

"Now hold on a minute! I wouldn't say that!" Pietro snapped. "Well maybe some of you…" 

"And we've never had any real training?" Lance said.

"Okay there is that…" Pietro said.

"And the fact that we keep getting dumped by our leaders?" Fred asked.

"Well that…" Pietro started to say.

"And we live in a dump that they won't even bother to condemn because nobody cares about us?" Todd remarked. 

"I see where this is going," Pietro said.

"And…" Fred started. 

"OKAY! OKAY! YOU'VE MADE YOUR POINT!" Pietro shouted. "So we're at a slight disadvantage."

"A **slight** disadvantage?" Lance yelped. 

"The real problem is you morons don't have any confidence!" Pietro said.

"Gee I wonder why?" Todd said sarcastically. 

"Well as of now that is going to change!" Pietro said confidently. "With my newest idea! A Brotherhood Seminar for the Hopelessly Pathetic."

"Oh that makes me feel **much **better," Todd grumbled. 

"Don't worry," Pietro grinned. "When I'm through with all of you, you will have the confidence you need to turn the X-Geeks into little bitty pieces!" 

Twenty minutes later…

"I can't believe we are doing this yo!" Todd whined.

"I swear if anyone finds out about this…" Lance growled.

"I dunno," Fred told them. "This feels pretty nice. I like it."

"You would!" Lance snapped. "Pietro why in the world did you make us put this gunk on?" All the members of the Brotherhood were wearing green facial masks. 

"Guys," Pietro also had a mask on. "The first step to self confidence is to feel good about yourselves. Taking care of our skin is the first step." 

"We're just waiting until Wanda comes back to kick his butt right?" Fred whispered to Todd.

"Oh yeah," Todd nodded. 

"You know I didn't think I could feel any lower than I did when I broke up with Kitty," Lance sighed. "Boy was I wrong!" 

"Will you clowns knock it off?" Pietro snapped. "I'm trying to help you! This is for your own good." 

"How in the world is making us act like idiots for our own good?" Lance snapped.

"What are you complaining about?" Pietro snapped. "You guys act like idiots all the time!" 

"Yes but at least we don't do all this girly stuff!" Todd fumed. 

"Well you were trying clothes on Toad and that can be kind of…" Fred remarked.

"Do you people have to put labels on everything?" Pietro snapped. 

"Yes," Lance said.

"Ha ha, very funny," Pietro told him. "Look the point of this little exercise is to make you feel handsome. That being a mutant you flaunt the conventional tastes of beauty so called norms have! This is designed to give you losers some confidence! I don't know what's wrong with you people if you can't see that! Now let's hold hands!"

"What is this kindergarten?" Todd snapped.

"Judging by your collective intelligence I'd say yes!" Pietro snapped. "Now let's hold hands!" 

"Let's not and say we did!" Lance snapped.

"Do you want to get into Magneto's new gang or not?" Pietro snapped. "All it takes is one little word and your chances are gone forever! And then where will you be? Hmm? Dead as dodos that's where! Now hold hands!"

The boys reluctantly agreed. "I swear Pietro you are going to push us too far one day," Lance grumbled. 

"Just repeat after me," Pietro snapped. "I am a mutant."

"I am a mutant," They grumbled. 

"Duh," Todd said.

"I am handsome," Pietro continued. 

"I am handsome," They grumbled.

"I am a superior being."

"I am a superior being."

"I will destroy the X-Geeks!" Pietro said. There was silence. "Come on guys! I will destroy the X-Geeks!" 

"I will destroy the X-Geeks," They said. 

"I am so lucky to be led by the wonderful, talented, handsome Quicksilver who…"

"Don't push it!" Lance growled.

"We are the Brotherhood!" Pietro decided to ignore that little outburst.

"We are the Brotherhood!" They repeated.

"We are superior fighters!" Pietro shouted.

"You gotta be kidding?" Todd said.

"Okay how about this?" Pietro sighed. "We are strong!"

"We are strong."

"We are brave!"

"We are brave!" 

"We are all a team!" 

"Since when?" Fred grumbled.

"I said we are all a team!" Pietro glared at him. 

"We are all a team," They repeated. 

"We will defeat the X-Men!"

"We will defeat the X-Men!" They repeated a little louder.

"Again! We will defeat the X-Men!" Pietro shouted.

"Again! We will defeat the X-Men!"

"No, no don't repeat that first part!" Pietro groaned.

"No, no don't repeat that first part!" They said.

"Okay stop that!" Pietro snapped.

"Okay stop that," The others repeated. 

"This is not funny!" Pietro's voice grew higher.

"This is not funny!" The others started to grin. 

"Will you cut it out?"

"Will you cut it out?" 

"SHUT UP!" Pietro shouted. He regained his composure. "Fine we'll start this again!"

"Fine we'll start this again," Fred repeated. 

"KNOCK IT OFF!" Pietro snarled. "Okay! We are the Brotherhood."

"We are the Brotherhood," They repeated. 

"You all are idiots."

They turned around and saw Gambit smirking at them in the doorway. "What are **you **doing here?" Pietro bristled. 

"The boss wanted to know how y'all doing," Remy said evenly. "He sent me to check on you."

"Well how does it **look **like we're doing?" Todd said sarcastically. 

"This is your idea of training?" Remy asked Pietro.

"Frightening isn't it?" Fred told him. 

"What is that on your faces?" Gambit looked perplexed. "Is that…?"

"Uh huh," Fred grumbled. 

Pietro gulped. "It's not what you think. I'm just showing them a different type of camouflage. Let me explain so you can get a better idea of how things are going." 

"No I think I got a pretty good idea of how things are going," Remy started to back away. "I think it's time for me to inform Magneto of your progress." He left. 

Pietro ran after him. "Wait! I have charts!" 

"You know something team?" Todd said to the others. "We're dead." 


End file.
